Friday, 2 September 2011

F is for Friends

The hardest thing about leaving England for me was leaving behind my friends. When the idea of moving to Cyprus first came up I couldn't even think about it, leaving the girls I had known for years and shared so much seemed unthinkable.

I was not looking forward to telling them at all but they were very supportive overall. Some just buried there heads in the sand and pretended it wasn't going to happen and some were very interested and wanted to know every single detail.They all said how much they would miss me and how they wished I was staying.  I was always known as the organiser, most events and meet ups seemed to be arranged or instigated my me and I was usually the one to make the first contact. This often got to me and many times I vowed to do nothing and ring no-one until they rang me  but inevitably after a while I caved in and contacted them.  Sometimes I wondered if they were just being polite as surely if they liked me as much they would be more enthusiastic or maybe they had more interesting lives!

Aaron warned me time and time again that when we moved I'd lose contact with them all, I refused to believe him as surely with the wondrous invention of the interweb and all it's possibilities that would be impossible.  I brought 3 people Skype phones as leaving presents,  maybe being a bit desperate as it's surely not normal to give people you are staying where  they are leaving presents but I was worried about them getting round to doing it themselves!

That may have been a waste of time as almost 2 years on I am yet to have a Skype call with any of those people. I gave them all my address and a discount phone code to call my Cypriot landline for 0.5p per minute..... bargain!  I upload my life onto the internet through my blog and Facebook account and I still don't know what anyone else is doing. There are a few people I regularly interact with on Facebook but surprisingly  they are not the ones I thought they would be, they are mostly new people I have met in Cyprus so therefore  don't actually need to talk online or a selection of random school friends or ex-colleagues.

Am I wrong to have expected a bit more?  Does this just prove that I have a bit of a Facebook addiction? Are they not missing me as much as I thought they might?    or should I still do ALL the running as I was the one who left?    Should I just get over it and realise that they have moved on?

We have had a couple of visits and I know that it's money that has prevented more, that I can completely understand, but I do wish they emailed me their news or rang for a chat, just to feel like I was still part of their lives.   I assume  (Ah, I remember.... Assumption is the Mother of all F**kups!) that they sometimes look at my photos or read my blog..... who knows?

I deliberated over this post for a long time as I was worried it would turn into a rant but I really do miss my girlies..... so (in no particular order)   Sarah, Nicola, Claire, Su and Ali.......if you are reading this....Get your backsides to a computer and come for a good old catch up!


To end on a positive note though......  Our great friend and Leo's Codfarmer Godfather Martin definitely wins the prize (see girls, bet you didn't know there was a prize ;) ) for staying in contact. Being as he is a computer geek  does a very important job with computers or something we are probably in even more contact than we were before.  Of course this could be because he's just checking we are still 3000 miles away :)

You can see the rest of my A to Z posts here..


Edit:  I realise now this sounded very harsh, I apologise to my lovely friends if I upset them in anyway, of course this was not my intention at all - it was just me in my stupid way of saying how I miss you all and wish we were not so far apart.... and yes, I realise this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't moved abroad, it was my choice and I am happy about it I just want it all ;)

8 comments:

  1. Believe me when I say you certainly find out who your friends are. After six years of trying I have given up. Like you, Emma I ensured they could all get hold of me, but no, they never responded to my letters, cards or messages. In the end you have to move forward.

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  2. I found the same when I lived in Asia, the people who promised to keep in touch never did, whilst I made really great connections with others. I don't think they do it on purpose, its just that they get wrapped up in their own personal lives which is understandable.
    Call them, maybe because you are normally the instigator of communication they are used to this and have not been able to adapt to the new dynamics??
    xxx
    Tin

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  3. They will always remember you and the good times you all had together. They are all wrapped up in their busy lives, but whenever you finally catch up, it will be like you had seen them the day before.  

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  4. I have a lot of old friends in NZ who almost never contact me either, even though it's so much easier these days. I think, for a lot of people it's a matter of out of sight, out of mind.

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  5. I have the same problem with my friends & no one has emigrated. I know I can be crap at times keeping in touch with 3 children and my friends have kids too, but thought that would bring us closer as we have more in common & could do play dates etc.

    My husbands brother emigrated to the States 5yrs ago and we hardly have contact with him (and his wife). Which is a shame as they were close. My husband calls/messages his bro to get no reply. We send birthday and Xmas gifts. We get nothing....not even the children (unless father in law has brought it put their name on it). Thing is, Father in Law gets a call every day from them.

    I guess you can't make people want to keep in touch. I've given up with them & if they don't want to know us & the kids then fine....their loss xxx

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  6. Hiya

    I'm one of the said 'friends' - don't be so negative about us Em. We still love you and don't take it so personally. It's definitely not out of sight out of mind, I think about you loads. I guess the main difference is that you don't automatically meet at the usual events like birthdays weddings etc where you all catch up when you live abroad.

    Also maybe if things aren't going swimmingly in peoples lives they don't pick up the phone and chat about it as it's not something they want to dwell on or want to bother you with. Guilt trips about it though aren't going to help someone feel too comfortable about picking up the phone.

    Love you Em and I'm sorry for disappointing you. I've always had a pretty hectic life and in my mind nothing has changed. As you have chosen to move to another country it does make it more tricky to keep in touch but we are here for you.

    Love you
    Ali
    x

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  7. Sorry if I upset you hun with this post.  Will email you in a bit xxx

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  8. I think a lot of people just have trouble relating to people they don't see all the time.  

    When I emigrated 10 years ago I can remember ringing friends back home to be regaled with a blow-by-blow account of the Survivor reality TV show (which I'd never seen).  I never rang them again after that.

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