Several years ago I was in the park walking our dog in a little world of my own kicking through the autumn leaves, it was a nice day for the time of year, not too cold, sun shining, nothing wrong with it at all - the kind that us Brits actually get all excited about as it's not raining and nature looks beautiful. But for no real reason I stopped in the park and it just struck me as grey, I could see the gorgeous reds, yellows, browns and greens all around me but it suddenly lost all its appeal, it just seemed as someone had thrown a sheet over me and I couldn't quite breathe properly.
I feel a bit like that now, although I can actually come up with a list of reasons which may or may not make it better now! and it's not a sheet - it's a suffocatingly hot electric blanket which won't turn down!
As a rule I don't like to moan on my blog, I don't know who reads it and I've upset friends in the UK before who have felt sad for me and I feel bad enough about leaving them as it is but I don't see a lot of people and I feel I may start to drive them mad with my incessant winging so sod it! I'll stop thinking of what I 'should' be writing and remember why I started blogging in the first place!
Bugger the dream - its hot, so hot that I can't remember what it's like to wear an actual proper outfit, not that it matters as I'm not sure I have one that fits ;)
I'm fairly sure it's just me though - I see from my facebook news feed that people I know here are enjoying the beach lifestyle or loving the kids being off for the school summer holidays (REALLY??? for 12 weeks - surely they will change their minds soon!) they are spending their days at the beach, at the pool, their evening sunset swims and bbq's on the balcony. Yes they are hot but that's the point - it's summer, it's Cyprus we should not be surprised by that!
My evenings are spent indoors, melting even though there is usually a nice cool breeze blowing on the balcony, Aaron doesn't like to sit outside and I feel a bit odd sitting apart from him as I only see him for an hour or two a day. Last year I sat outside every night but I made the effort to be covered in mossie repellent, and I had the incentive of being able to smoke and drink!
To be honest I'm bored, and tired, and constantly feel like crap. Leo has been ill, possibly still is ill as he seems to be alternating between fine and having a 'hurty belly' several times a day, I guess its because of that but he's been unbelievably whiny for the last few days - I do realise however he could be getting this from me!
My patience, which I'm the first to admit is not great, has gone out the window and despite the fact he's now at school for the morning I still feel like I could throttle him several times a day. I know he's a toddler but he's a clever one so WHY won't he listen! :)
I feel like I haven't left the house in months apart from to take Leo to school and go food shopping or visit my parents downstairs, but I also don't want to - even going to the pool feels like a mammoth expedition! I feel like I'm sulking when I don't want to be but my mind comes up with a heap of obstacles with each idea that pops into my head.
I don't remember pregnancy being this rubbish last time round, I'm trying to focus (and hope!) on the fact that it's this that is making me feel like this and I'll be back to normal afterwards. I have been assured that I was as uncomfortable and moany last time too, which I'm not entirely sure cheered me up!
There was a difference though, despite what they keep telling me - I had my life then, I had things to do, lots of people to talk to and space to breathe. I had Aaron around to talk to, go to the pub with or just to spend a couple of hours with, I feel that come the winter I won't even know him! We spoke about the baby, and life in general, he felt the kicks and we looked forward to the new arrival. I went shopping and enjoyed looking at baby things and was able to easily and cheaply buy the things I needed for the birth and early days. I could look through an Argos book (I have a really strange craving to look at one of these - I never realised how much I referred to it!)
I knew it was never going to be the same second time round and things will be different in a different place and I will look back and it will have flown by so fast and one day I'll probably wish I could turn the clock back, at least I will be able to read this blog post then though and be thankful that the sun looks like it should do once again.