Tuesday, 26 June 2012

When the sunshine's grey...

Several years ago I was in the park walking our dog in a little world of my own kicking through the autumn leaves, it was a nice day for the time of year, not too cold, sun shining, nothing wrong with it at all - the kind that us Brits actually get all excited about as it's not raining and nature looks beautiful.  But for no real reason I stopped in the park and it just struck me as grey, I could see the gorgeous reds, yellows, browns and greens all around me but it suddenly lost all its appeal, it just seemed as someone had thrown a sheet over me and I couldn't quite breathe properly.

I feel a bit like that now, although I can actually come up with a list of reasons which may or may not make it better now!  and it's not a sheet - it's a suffocatingly hot electric blanket which won't turn down!

As a rule I don't like to moan on my blog, I don't know who reads it and I've upset friends in the UK before who have felt sad for me and I feel bad enough about leaving them as it is but I don't see a lot of people and I feel I may start to drive them mad with my incessant winging so sod it!  I'll stop thinking of what I 'should' be writing and remember why I started blogging in the first place!

It's summer, it's Cyprus, we're living the dream!

Bugger the dream - its hot, so hot that I can't remember what it's like to wear an actual proper outfit, not that it matters as I'm not sure I have one that fits   ;)

I'm fairly sure it's just me though - I see from my facebook news feed that people I know here are enjoying the beach lifestyle or loving the kids being off for the school summer holidays (REALLY??? for 12 weeks - surely they will  change their minds soon!)   they are spending their days at the beach, at the pool, their evening sunset swims and bbq's on the balcony.   Yes they are hot but that's the point - it's summer, it's Cyprus we should not be surprised by that!

My evenings are spent indoors, melting even though there is usually a nice cool breeze blowing on the balcony, Aaron doesn't like to sit outside and I feel a bit odd sitting apart from him as I only see him for an hour or two a day. Last year I sat outside every night but I made the effort to be covered in mossie repellent, and I had the incentive of being able to smoke and drink! 

To be honest I'm bored, and tired, and constantly feel like crap. Leo has been ill, possibly still is ill as he seems to be alternating between fine and having a 'hurty belly' several times a day, I guess its because of that but he's been unbelievably whiny for the last few days - I do realise however he could be getting this from me!

My patience, which I'm the first to admit is not great, has gone out the window and despite the fact he's now at school for the morning I still feel like I could throttle him several times a day. I know he's a toddler but he's a clever one so WHY won't he listen!   :)

I feel like I haven't left the house in months apart from to take Leo to school and go food shopping or visit my parents downstairs, but I also don't want to - even going to the pool feels like a mammoth expedition!  I feel like I'm sulking when I don't want to be but my mind comes up with a heap of obstacles with each idea that pops into my head.

I don't remember pregnancy being this rubbish last time round, I'm trying to focus (and hope!) on the fact that it's this that is making me feel like this and I'll be back to normal afterwards.   I have been assured that I was as uncomfortable and moany last time too, which I'm not entirely sure cheered me up!

There was a difference though, despite what they keep telling me - I had my life then, I had things to do, lots of people to talk to and space to breathe. I had Aaron around to talk to, go to the pub with or just to spend a couple of hours with, I feel that come the winter I won't even know him!  We spoke about the baby, and life in general, he felt the kicks and we looked forward to the new arrival.  I went shopping and enjoyed looking at baby things and was able to easily and cheaply buy the things I needed for the birth and early days.   I could look through an Argos book (I have a really strange craving to look at one of these - I never realised how much I referred to it!)

I knew it was never going to be the same second time round and things will be different in a different place and I will look back and it will have flown by so fast and one day I'll probably wish I could turn the clock back, at least I will be able to read this blog post then though and be thankful that the sun looks like it should do once again.


14 comments:

  1. Rebekah Manston26 June 2012 at 23:24

    I am a firm believer lovely, that there is nothing wrong with a good old moan every now and then so don't feel bad about getting it out there ;-)
    You have my utmost sympathy, I felt like that with every pregnancy and only cheered up once the little blighters arrived. Call it 'ante-natal depression' or just plain 'pregnancy sucks' but I never enjoyed it and really struggled to humour the people that banged on about what a fulfilling and joyful experience it is.
    You know my feelings about high temperatures too; you couldn't pay me to sit through a Cypriot summer at the best of times and if I'd had to do it whilst pregnant there would have been blood!
    So whilst there is little I can do to help from this distance, know that I'm sending you sympathetic, cooling vibes and counting down with you. From my experience the grey will lift once the little fella arrives.
    Hang in there hun and don't feel bad about feeling bad xx
    Bek.

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  2. I live in Turkey, the other day I did a load of laundry and caught myself looking at those cool damp clothes and thinking how good it would feel to put them on wet... I didn't but the temperature is still going up and I may be actually do it soon. I think it would save on ironing.
    My first pregnancy was hard physically but menatally I was euphoric, my second was the reverse - easy physically but some quirk of my hormones made me very hard to live with. What I am trying to say is that what you are feeling is normal, that it will pass, that you will have a life again as soon as you feel able because you will be able to find a way.
    Love and good wishes from Fethiye xxx

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  3. Sorry to hear you are feeling down and blue. Im sure it will pass, sounds to be like you are having pregnancy blues and expat blues at the same time. The heat must be unbearable, we only have 30 something here and it makes me fed up and not wanting to do anything. And also you living situation with AJ working and probably not earning much is on your mind too. I often ave those feelings of 'when I had a life' which is more often to do with financials and the chooses it brings rather than going places or meeting people.
    Chin up, you are nearly there!

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  4. Crystal Jigsaw27 June 2012 at 10:37

    It's like one of those scenarios where the grass in greener.. Our body is acclimatised to a country and no matter how much we try, there will always be a piece of us that will crave our roots.

    I think it's good to have a moan, it makes us real. Unless we talk about it, no one knows what we are truly thinking or feeling. Hope things get better for you.

    CJ x

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  5. Emma you man away it's your blog and your are hormonal and it's a great release!!
    Blogging is like therapy sometimes and better to get it all out in here then fall out with your hubby or take it out on Leo. The sun will shine again , times are hard and it must seem like an endless path of worries and problems. BUT you are all healthy, you have each other and you have us xx

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  6. Thank you, I'm glad most people have realised its mainly hormonal (I realise that of course!)) and it was just a way of talking - last time round I had lots of 'real life' friends to talk to instead so it was a bit easier!

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  7. veryboredincatalunya28 June 2012 at 12:51

    I could have written this blog post when pregnant, Being pregnant is bad enough at the best of times but when it's hot, it's hell.

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  8. You're pregnant in one of the hottest areas at the moment. You are missing your husband. And did I mention the hormones from pregnancy? I'd say you're entitled to be pissed off to be honest.

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  9. Thank you, I feel better now I've had people acknowledge the fact I am entitled to be pissed off I think!

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  10. Thank you, I can kind of understand why no-one gets it as even I had forgotten how bad it was and Leo is only 3!

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  11. It made me feel a lot better, especially since people agreed I was entitled to feel like it! Thank you for your comment xx

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  12. Thank you, I do know it will pass and it will get better - just need to remember that! I think the financial side does have lots to do with it too.

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  13. Thank you very much for your comment, am laughing at the thought of you wearing damp clothes, I've thought that too before :)

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  14. Thanks, glad it's not just me going mad then, don't know how you did this 3 times!

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